My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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