I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
