Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
