I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
