I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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