I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
