The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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