May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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