i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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