i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
