it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
