No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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