so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
