this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
