just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
