i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Enjoy the penises
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
