Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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