i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
