This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
