Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
