That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
