We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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