I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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