Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
