I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
