If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize