he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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