so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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