A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
