I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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