I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
