You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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