Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
