Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
