I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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