I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
