doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
