I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
