I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
