I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
