Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize