I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize