In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What a dumb baby whore.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
