ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
