she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
