apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
