I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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