he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
