woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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