About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
