OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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