ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
bring money and cleavage
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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