it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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