Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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