Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
