his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
