you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
