We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
