I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
