i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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