and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
