I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
