there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
