that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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