i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
